For Ostara/Easter every year Papa Satyr and I watch the South Park episode, “Fantastic Easter Special” and dye eggs. This year, when I sought out decorating kits, Kroger did not have the Classic Paas set of my childhood, but an unknown to me set by Dudley. It said it came with dye tablets, a wax crayon, stickers, egg lifters, egg stands, and a tic tac toe board (by punching circles out of the box). I bought two. Only one came with dye. The other came with a little sealed bag of air.

Now, I did not mix the dye in the bowls. Let me say that straight out. Satyr handled this. I cannot say if he followed the directions, but the dyes were the lamest pastel colors ever and the eggs had to sit for a long time to color. We nonetheless dyed 11 eggs. Satyr ate the cracked one.  It was pretty disappointing.

So, here I was on Easter Sunday headed back to Kroger for more dye and eggs. Nothing in the seasonal section except discounted candy. Grabbed a 30-pack of medium eggs and headed to baking needs, where I arrived immediately after a woman grabbed the last package of Kroger food dyes. They don’t even sell the McCormick Food and Egg Dye!  The other food coloring available being Betty Crocker gel, which is totally unsuitable for dying eggs.

I grabbed a few more things while there and figured I’d stop at Walgreens and check for dye. Or maybe head to the dreaded Albertsons. While in line I checked my email and found a woman wanted to buy an item I was selling on Craigslist, was willing to pay full price, and wanted to pick up immediately. I replied that she could come anytime after 6 as I needed time to get home from the store and asked if she had any food coloring that she could bring as the store was out. She did!  What colors?  The classics would do. I rushed home.

Sure enough she and her mother came and picked up my item, bringing many open food coloring a for me to choose from. I assumed this meant I could not have them all and having looked at McCormick’s egg dying tips, I knew the colors I needed most. I took yellow, blue, green, and, not having red, I went for the pink, ignoring the neon colors because I am just not that girl.

We made a second batch of hard boiled eggs and dyed another dozen eggs. My favorite color was raspberry.

Now, having 23 dyed eggs, I made a few egg dishes, to include scotch eggs, both traditional with sausage and vegetarian with falafel. I like to serve these with a Mustard-Bearnasie sauce, though you could serve with a mustard or hummus just as well, without all the fuss.

Boiled Eggs (Basics)

Place desired number of eggs in pot. Cover with water. Bring to boil over high heat. When you have a rolling boil, remove from heat and let sit 5 minutes for a soft bowl or 10 minutes for a hard boil. Transfer to bowl of ice water to cool. Let sit until ready to use or refrigerate. Peel and consume or use.

Scotch Eggs (Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Late-Night Snack, Vegetarian Option)

• 6 eggs, soft or hard boiled and peeled
• Vegetable oil (about a qt. for frying or 3 tbsp for baking)
• 1 lb sausage or box of falafel mix or your favorite falafel recipe
• 1 tsp sage
• 1 tsp thyme
• 1 tsp chives
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper (do not buy pre ground, that is all heat and no flavor)
• 1/8 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 cup flour in wide rim bowl
• 2 eggs, lightly whisked in another bowl
• 2 cups breadcrumbs in yet another bowl

Go the Extra Mile: bake bread, put some or all in food processor, pulse many times, put breadcrumbs in a freezer bag, and use as needed.

1. In their own bowl, mix sausage and spices. Divide into six even servings, ~ 2.5-2.6 oz each, if you have a kitchen scale handy.
2. Bring 3″ oil to 350° F in tall pot and  preheat oven to 200°F (400°F if baking).
3. Flatten the sausage or falafel in your hand, place an egg in the center, wrap sausage around the egg, pressing to seal. Set aside on wax paper. Repeat until done.
4. Dredge sausage balls in flour one at a time, dip in the eggs on all sides (with the 3 tbsp oil whisked in, if baking), and roll in bread crumbs. Repeat in batches of two going straight to oil or baking sheet.
5. Carefully place two scotch eggs in hot oil, maintaining temperature as best you can, or all six into the preheated oven. Fry until dark golden brown and transfer to pan with paper towels and place in hot oven or bake 35 minutes.

While the eggs were in the oven, I made quick béarnaise sauce plus mustard because Scotch Eggs just need mustard, damn it.

Quick Béarnaise Sauce (Basics) serves 4-6

• 2 shallots, minced
• 1 bunch fresh tarragon (approximately 5 sprigs)
• 5 whole black peppercorns
• 1/2 cup champagne vinegar
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 2 sticks of butter
• 6 egg yolks
• salt and pepper

Go the Extra Mile: Make your own tarragon vinegar and use in place of champagne vinegar: Place a bunch of tarragon in a pretty glass bottle you are capable of sealing.  Poke down with a bamboo skewer, if needed.  Fill the bottle with white wine or champagne vinegar to 1/2″ from top.  Stopper and sit overnight.  It is now ready to use, but will deepen in flavor with age.  Top off with vinegar as you use.  Herbs are good for 6-8 months.  Always keep them covered with vinegar.

1. In small sauce pan over medium-high heat, simmer shallots, 2-3 sprigs tarragon, peppercorns, vinegar, and wine.  Reduce to half volume.  Remove from heat and set aside to cool.
2. In second small sauce pan, melt butter over low heat.
3. Separate egg yolks and move to blender.  Give a few quick pulses.
   1. Go the Extra Mile: Separate the eggs one at a time, placing yolk in blender and clean egg whites (unsullied by yolks!) into a container for freezing ONE AT A TIME in case you break a yolk.  Save frozen, clean whites for future use in a soufflé.  Put sullied egg whites in a container in the fridge for breakfast.
4. Add cooled béarnaise reduction to blender and pulse.  Proper technique would strain out the solids and discard.  To be honest, I sometimes leave them in to intensify the flavor.  Alway separate if using the proper double boiler method to prepare your sauce.
5. Add warm butter (not solids if using proper technique) in a slow steady stream to running blender.  Tip: you can remove the handle in the cap and place a tea strainer over the hole to keep all ingredients where they belong and to help regulate the pace.  Do not add quickly.  We are trying to emulsify.  Do not use all the butter unless you feel it is too thick.
6. Add remaining tarragon and salt and pepper to taste.

If adding mustard for Scotch Eggs, add 2 tbsp mustard of choice (I used spicy brown) at the end of step 5.  Bonus: if you added too much butter and the sauce is thinner than you wanted, this can help thicken it up a bit.

Serve Scotch Eggs with a nice salad, with onions and cheeses, or with emergency vegetables from the freezer, as I did, in this case a garden vegetable soufflé and tater tots.  I ALWAYS make extra béarnaise, refrigerate the leftovers, and finish in the morning with breakfast or the next night with steaks.  Say what you want about egg yolks, I have never had an issue with this.